The Importance of Human Touch (REPLAY)

We are taking a summer break so we are digging into our previous archives and today we share the importance of hugs.

We count fruit and veg like it’s medicine, yet we ignore one of the simplest forms of human care: touch. We’re asking a cheeky question with a serious point behind it: what would change if you aimed for five hugs a day? Not just romantic hugs either, but safe, gentle, respectful touch that reminds your body you’re not on your own, from a proper cuddle with family to a reassuring hand on the arm when you’re struggling. 

We talk about why physical touch matters for stress relief and emotional regulation, and how the pandemic made so many of us realise what we’d been missing. From babies thriving with skin to skin contact to older children who still quietly look for closeness, we unpack the signs people give when they want comfort, and how easy it is to miss them when life is busy and everyone’s on a separate device. We also share the idea of longer “healing hugs”, and why letting the other person choose when a hug ends can feel profoundly calming. 

Consent and boundaries are a big part of this conversation. Not everyone enjoys touch, and that has to be respected, whether it’s personal preference or neurodivergence. We also touch on the tricky balance in schools and childcare between safeguarding and giving young children the comfort they need. If you’re feeling lonely or you live alone, we share a simple self soothing technique you can do anywhere, based on a havening style self hug. 

If this sparks something for you, listen, share it with a friend who needs a bit of warmth, and subscribe for more. After you’ve listened, tell us in the comments: are you going to try five hugs a day?

Transcript

Copy

Five Cuddles A Day Idea

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You've all heard of your five a day? Yeah. Well we say, what about if we get five cuddles a day too? The importance of physical touch, that's what we're gonna be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English sisters. Welcome everyone. Welcome. I mean, physical touch, we all know how good it is, don't we? Well, yeah, I think we do when we get it, like a gentle touch. However, there are so many times when we don't get it. Well, I think more than I mean, not getting it. I think it's like you have to make an effort to give it. You mean you have to give it and then you'll get it back. Then you'll get it back. Because we're so busy in our everyday lives that sometimes there's not you don't just g go over and give someone a hug, do you? Unless you see they're crying or something. Even then. Well, no, I mean what yeah, the truth is you don't have to be in a relationship to get you know, to get the benefits from physical touch. Obviously, you know, like just a gentle way a hug, even the physical touch of a handshake, a handshake can be beneficial to us as you can. Yeah, a fist bump or

Pandemic Reminds Us We Need Touch

SPEAKER_00 1:21

something. Yeah, it's just touch, and I think, especially nowadays after we've come out of the pandemic, I think that made us all realise the importance of of physical touch and how much we actually missed it. We did miss it. We I think everyone did. Oh, it was horrible. It was horrible, and you missed not being able to have that connection with others. After all, it's the first thing you do when you're born, isn't it? You get the bigger. Yeah, because the babies that don't have physical touch, actually, their their development is stunning. It is very stunning. We saw those horrific images from the orphanages. Exactly. So it's the first thing you need, and and also that study done on premature babies when they actually put them close to the parent's body, the baby started thriving. Exactly. So I mean Yeah, the survival rates went up incredibly. Yeah, so yeah, so where's that come from? That was all from uh the physical touch, it just lowers your stress levels, lowers everything down. It it's all like an immediate benefit for

Babies, Survival, And Early Development

SPEAKER_00 2:25

us, and it's such an easy thing to do, isn't it? Yeah, and I think that especially as parents, I think sometimes we don't realise how much our tri children long for it. Yeah, you're right about that. And we just ignore their like calling for it.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Because they give like little signs, don't they? Because they I I think when they're babies, they're always being touched because you have to hold them and you have to pick them up and then put but yeah. When they get a little bit older though, sometimes you forget how much how important cuddle time is. Yeah. Well, that's what you were telling me the other day, because my son now he's 25. And like the other day, he was just like hovering around us, both of us, and say, Hi Auntie, hi, and then and then you were going, Oh, I think he's like can't can't you see he's coming close to you? And I honestly I didn't notice it wanting a hug. And you were saying he wants a hug, and then afterwards, I I kind of consciously started thinking, Yeah, I should probably give him more hugs, you know, it's a bit of a tough time in his life now, and um he's suffering from headaches, and I thought, you know, maybe just by giving him more uh more cuddles, it helps a lot, definitely. Yeah, so I have started doing that even more. Like obviously, I want to cuddle him, is my son. I have two lovely sons, but I think when they get older, you forget to cuddle them. I mean you don't, you can't be cuddling them. What I mean is you forget to give them a hug. It's like that famous study that now I can't find, but the one that the lady that said you need to give eleven hugs for well-being for well-being, and and I think I think that was for kids or for adults. I don't know. I think it was 10 hugs a day or something. No, it was like 11. I remember when we first learned it. It was I I thought, what do kids really need that much hugging? I think the thing with us as well, with our modern lives, is that a lot of the times we're all on our separate devices, and that you forget to sit that because before maybe you would sit together and watch a film together and cuddle each other, and if you had a partner, you'd do that. Whereas now we tend to be more on our separate device, each one with it goes their own way more. Oh, of course, yeah. Yeah, it was Virginia Satire, the wor world-renowned family therapist. She was famous for saying

Kids And Adults Still Need Hugs

SPEAKER_00 4:45

we need four hugs a day for survival, we need eight hugs a day for maintenance, we need 12 hugs a day for growth. So she was the first one who was saying that you need like give your kids like 12 hugs a day. And I remember when we first when the kids were little and we thought, 12 hugs. Surely we give them 12 hugs, but then you don't. No, it's actually a lot of hugs. It's a lot, it's a lot of hugging. It's a lot of hugging, and like a hug every hour or something. That's like for thrival, like you thrive on that. I think it'll be a bit hard, it's like getting your five a day. It can be quite tricky, yeah. Or unless you give them all at once. So you'd say, okay, one hug, two hugs, three hugs, four hugs, five hugs. No, that doesn't count. No, I think well, maybe just one really long big hug, but but also the interesting thing about hugging is that they say you shouldn't stop the hug, especially with your kids, until they pull away from you for the healing hug. Really? Oh, so you have to like you really go. Yeah, I so when I hug my kids, I wait for them to kind of pull away to sort of say it's over, otherwise, I don't let go. Yeah, I know you don't let go. She loves hugging and touching. It's every five minutes. Oh my kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss is uh. Good night, kiss. Good night. Hello, good morning. She's a right cuddler. Uh well, apparently, hugs strengthen your immune system and balance your body out. Yeah, we kind of all know that when you're in the hospital and they touch it. Or a doctor touches you, how nice it is. Obviously, if you're not averse, because you have to be respectful. Some people do not like to be touched in any way, yeah. Sure, sure. Or hug, but here we're talking about people that you know, yeah, normal physical, gentle touching, gentle, you know, touch. Yeah, hugs and normal, yeah, obviously. No, a lot of people on the spectrum, for instance, they don't like it. They don't like it, and that's perfectly, you know, I think acceptable. That's perfectly fine, but not for for us to be respectful. I mean, it if you don't have any issues around it, it's actually really, really good for your immune system. You can usually tell when you're talking to someone if they like to be, you know, you know, just a gentle, gentle pat or a touch. You're right. I remember when I was actually in the hospital and a nurse did actually just touch my arm. How calming it is. It was instantly like you think, oh god. It was so amazing that one time when I really needed somebody, yeah, and I couldn't get any one of you lot, and I just had that, and I thought, oh my god, that's so amazing. It was such a small thing. Yes, they often do it, nurses, like they might just put the hand in teaching nurses to do that. Yeah, well, that's uh it's why do they teach in nurses? Because it lowers your blood pressure.

The Hug Numbers And Healing Hugs

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Instantly calms you. Well, we did the havening course where where they do they do uh where you learn to you do like it's like a therapy and you go and just stroke yourself, stroke your own. Yeah, you like give yourself a hug. We're giving ourselves a hug, and then you allow your hands just to slide down and you breathe in deeply, and it's actually really soothing and relaxing. So you can just do it to yourself if you haven't got anyone to have. Yeah, you just fold your arms across your chest, and you can like even in the shower, for example, whenever you want, whenever you feel like you're feeling a bit tense, and you just gently bring your arms down against your bring your hands down against your arm. Yeah, you cross your arms and then you fold your hands and let them slide down your arms. And that's it. Across your hands, across your chest. And then let them slide down. It's actually, I'm doing it now, it actually feels very calming. It does, doesn't it? Yeah, it's amazing. It's just such a It's like when you would pretend to dance like when you were kids and you would pretend that you were dancing. And around you can see your art your hands right around the back. Yeah, it's uh there's reasons for that, isn't it? It's pretty amazing. Physical touch and how often we can forget about it, how how a simple such a simple thing. We forget that we're so we're you know, we're mammals. We need this, you know, to be in a group, to need to be stroke, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, and but you're right about that. Your dog, you know, little cats, how much I enjoy it. All that purring. We've got one of our little rescue cats. As soon as you put one little her hand over her head, it's massive purring so quickly. You can see she likes it more than the other little rescue cat because the other one has to be more respected, yeah. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like it as much, and the same goes for people. Yeah. There you go. It's the same for people, so you know, we have to try amazing benefits of it. Of actually giving like uh programming hugs, that's all thinking I'm gonna not program, but I think I'm gonna become aware of hugging more. Because yeah, it's a bit like another to-do thing. You have to put it in your like to-do list. Well because we don't do it naturally. Most people don't hug all the time. But to actually put it in your to-do list. I didn't when I started like hugging like the fruit and veg. You have to get the five at least five hugs, I would say. Oh yeah, at least five. I mean, what or you know, it's supposed to be. If you've got anyone that you can hug 'cause you're in a long distance relationship or you're not in a relationship or you you haven't got your family around or any friends around, you know, if you if you're feeling lonely, I suggest that you hug you you do your the havening hug where you just yeah, fold your arms and you know, allow them to slide down and kind of give yourself a hug and feel it because it is so important. Otherwise, if you go out and about as well, you there's always opportunities

When Touch Calms In Healthcare

SPEAKER_00 11:05

of a gentle touch without obviously without being creepy or anything. No, but with you, yeah, you can you can you can you can have the if you look for the opportunities, there will be opportunities to just gently, you know touch touch someone respectfully, obviously. They boost oxytocin levels which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger. Hugging is a shared experience, you're both giving and receiving. That's why it's so important. That's why I think those like going to group things as well if you're lonely and that you couldn't, you know, you can get to group things and do like it. Extended hugging, like what you were saying before. Extended hugging 20 seconds or more, it boosts your serotonin levels, causing you to feel happy, more positive emotions overall, even if you don't realize it at first. So it might not be an immediate thing, you might think, Oh, that person's a bit of a hugger. Like there might be people that are more huggy and they they're like now with the social distancing and everything that's happened, it almost seems weird for me to even say this. But I mean, in terms of do you know what I mean? For instance, before or here, where you were allowed to hug. If a child was crying, you're allowed to give them a hug. And now, obviously, with all the things that have come out, yes, people the teachers have to be careful, but every time our hugging and our human touch has been restricted, yes, yeah, that's the thing. Yes. My my um my my older son's girlfriend, she works with small children, and she says that ever since you know the pandemic and everything, she said they started telling them, don't touch your children, don't she said they've been so it's been so bad, they cry so much more in preschool. The little ones, she said it's bit it's been hell, and now finally, she says finally she was writing, you know, yesterday she was telling us saying that she can finally pick them up again and you know, like cuddle them, cuddle them and console them when the mum goes and everything. She said, Oh, it's been so amazing. Now she said the schools have reopened and she can actually pick and hug them again, and and you know, have that relationship with them, have that connection with them because these little ones they're they're they're like the purest form of like little, you know, they don't even know what's going on, they just they instinctively know something is yeah, they want connection, they want all the humans to come and it's just yeah, exactly. And and they don't know what's going on. But she said, now finally, yeah. She was she was telling my

Self Soothing With Havening Touch

SPEAKER_00 13:50

son yesterday how how good it is finally that she can actually pick him up again and cuddle them and anyway. The thing is that for some people that overstep and they act they're they you know they're they abuse their power or whatever as a teacher, then every or everybody has to suffer because most teachers are. Exactly. Most teachers are great and they don't and they they they just want to really give just the hard worse. Yeah. Other people have more sinister intentions, and that's where all this like distancing and as well, that's where it all comes from, unfortunately. And rightly so, probably, but there has to be a happy medium, I think. Where that you you can't sense, yeah. Common sense and guidelines and like what you were saying, nurses are taught. But but how calming is it if it if a teacher also just maybe puts his hand on your arm, for goodness sake? I'm not, you know, just or her hand and just said it's okay, yeah, on a shoulder, something like that. I think it's really calming for for um for anyone, really, any in any circumstance. Yeah. Unless you don't want to, obviously. Yeah, you're thinking of that, aren't you? We don't want to. No, yeah, obviously. Because it's that what you were saying before. I think that's what I think it has. The creepy sense has ruined it. Yeah, it has, and it there has to be common sense. And you have to be you have to protect the kids, obviously, above all. So, but but anyway, in your own family services and with your friends, make sure that you give loads of hugs. I would say. I would say, yeah, get the hugs. More hugs, yeah. Think of it because you see these little social media things, don't you? I'm I'm here for a hug. If anyone wants to hug, can you see how many people go and hug? Yeah, I have seen things like that. Where people just stand in the street and they say like free hugs. Gosh. I haven't seen that for a while now. I saw it not that long ago on a social media post somewhere. Yeah. I think that can be really beneficial as well. Even if it's from somebody you don't know, you mean from a stranger, yeah. So it's just to connect. And people go up to get hugs, and then they will see. Because they might need it, you know. They've had a even if they don't need it, it's just the benefit of it. Yeah, you think as when you're an adult, you don't need it. No, big mistake. I mean, would you go up in the street? Never give a free hug. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't go up to someone and give them a free hug. I mean, if they want to give you a free hug, you wouldn't go and let it. Oh, I might. I mean, like what you say, if I knew it was like a thing. Yeah. So if it's just somebody comes up and says, I'll give you a free hug, I might. They've got hugs on it. It's just like a thing. Yeah, if it's a thing, and why not? I think it's really lovely as well. If there's someone that just wanted to hug you in the street, you might think he's gonna try and pickpocket or she's gonna try and pickpocket you. You have to be wary as well. Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. There could be lots of other uh more sinister intention. You like that one? Why does a man's mind always have to go then? Because unfortunately it's like that. Because it always has to be a caution. Yes. It's about the benefits of otherwise you can say, Can I give you a hug? and they'll say yes or no, and they can consent to it. You know, maybe we should also learn to say, I really need a hug today. Well, yeah, you know, like in within within relationship as well, you're thinking, I'm thinking I all I want is a hug. I think that as well within a hug. I don't want you to go on a massive rant about this. I just need a hug. Me too, but I don't actually say it. I rarely say it because I think you should know I need a hug. But he doesn't know I need a hug, and he just I've learned to say it. Sometimes I say I just want you to hug me. That's all you need. Yeah. I've learned. Yeah, normally it's some of the ripe old age of it. Finally. Yeah, but it's difficult though, isn't it? It's a bit, it's not really difficult, but it's not really um I don't know, it's in the cultural thing. I think it's considered still like a sign of weakness to say you need a hug. So you always have to I feel as if you have to be strong. Yeah, that's it. Self-sufficient, you know, oh I don't know. Independent, I don't need anyone kind of thing, kind of attitude. Yeah, that's not true. When we all need it, we all need it. And if we all learn just to say, you know, like like it's sweet to say, how's your day and tell me about your day, but also to say, Yeah, my day's been I I need a hug, which would that be amazing, wouldn't it? You know, like teach the little ones to say I need a hug. Teach them, teach them to say it so that they grow up and they know how to they know to ask for it, like to say I need a hug. I think they do now. You

Consent, Boundaries, And Respect

SPEAKER_00 19:10

teach. Yeah, but I d I don't think they actually say it though. I need a hug. No, I think they do. Do you go to your friends and say I need a hug? No, you don't because I don't normally need a hug off my friends. I'm usually okay, but I probably I would probably but you think you're you always give them a hug. Anyone you know, I give anyone I meet big hugs, yeah. After it with obviously with consent. But do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Is like I think you're not expected it's not part of our conscience. We're expected to for other people to see that you need a hug and then to give. Yes, and only need a hug when, like, oh, you've had a bad day because you look sad or something upsetting has happened. Not just because you need those five hugs a day. Exactly. Well, according uh, you know, to Virginia. Well, I'm gonna cut it to five because I think twelve's exaggerated in this day and age because no one's gonna get them. So it's gonna be like a uh hardly anyone, so it's gonna be like an impossible mission that you're gonna fail it, so then you won't bother and you won't even get one hug a day. So let's try and do five. Yeah, yeah. And and if you can't get it from other people, do you cuddle yourself? Because I'm thinking like with my husband, I would give him a hug in the morning and what an actual hug. Yeah. Uh we just give like a little kiss, and it's not a hug. No, I try and give a hug if he's standing out. Really? You try and get it because you're a huggy one. Uh he's not that crazy about it. I've seen him. He is like he's alright, alright. No, he doesn't okay. You probably think there was something wrong with you if you were like, Yeah, like give him hugs and five or four. We give each other hugs. I give more hugs now ever since I learned that about the well years ago when we learned that. Yeah, well, I'm definitely gonna do it more now after this podcast, as usual. We try and implement everything. Give that many hugs to your husband. Uh no, hardly any. Probably not. He probably I I don't know if he's a real hugger. No, because he probably never has had it, doesn't know what it's like. No, he never, he doesn't eat like even if he sees me upset, he'll never say do you, you know, or come over and give me a hug. It's not something to do the experiment today when he comes home to remember long hug until he actually pulls away. I can already imagine him saying, Basta! Yeah, me too. Basta, I want to go and have a shower. What are you doing? It'll be weird. I'll probably think of you, what's happened? So, yeah, the times I can really remember long hugs. I mean, I'm not talking about closeness because we hold hands all the time. No, no, I'm just saying. Maybe it's indifferent, just a like the bear hug, like the hug. No, it's not really their hugs, they're actually they feel different because it's like total body contact, body to body, heart to heart. Heart to heart, yeah. So it feels different than like holding hands. You actually feel the whole physical. Well, I'm definitely gonna try it. I'll be more conscious of doing more hugging. And I th I find that when you're when your children pull pull away from the hugs, that's when often when they need it most. So insist a little bit. Unless you see they really don't want it, obviously. But that's what you were saying when you were little. I always used to say, No, no, no, Mumma, I don't want a hug, but really I did want one. It's because I was like kind of a little bit embarrassed. I was always a bit embarrassed of the emotion of the love kind of thing. But I think that's the way we were brought up more. Like, even though mum was really expressive with I love you, I love you, but it was uh I think that the whole general society was more like that, whereas now it's more lovey, lovey, I love you, I love you on text and everything to all your friends and things. Love you, love you, love you. Yeah, I guess it's not so sacred like it was before just like yeah, you can give hearts to everyone now. No, no. So it's cuter now. Oh, it's much nicer. Well, let us know what you think. Are you a hugger? Do you like giving hugs? Are you gonna get your five hugs a day in? Let us know. Let us know. Tell us how you feel about it. Yes. If you have, what what what's like uh did do you feel calmer? Uh are all these benefits, you know. You are you being able to reap them and let us know about that. I think we should give each other a hug. Okay. Any chance you get is a big hug, but yeah. Well, thank you for listening. Come and watch the video on YouTube too. Bye bye. Lots of love and hugs from the bingo scissors. Bye.