Why Your Mood Shapes What You See

Your world can look bright, heavy, romantic, hopeless, exciting, or flat and the place you’re standing might not have changed at all. We’re talking about the line that stops you in your tracks: we do not see things how they are, we see things how we are. Once you really sit with that, you start noticing how state of mind, emotion, and attention shape your day-to-day reality more than you think.

We bring it to life with the experiences everyone recognises: the dopamine rush of being in love, the lift of great news, and the way even small pleasures can briefly make everything feel easier. Then we look at the flip side: how constant negative news can train your brain towards fear, and how social media “perfect” moments can trigger comparison and the sense that you’re not enough, even when what you’re seeing is filtered, staged, or incomplete.

From there we get practical. We unpack the NLP idea that the map is not the territory, and why mindfulness helps you return to what’s actually happening now, not what your mind is predicting. We share simple state-change tools you can use immediately: a favourite song, noticing your body and breath, feeling sunlight, and even a cold reset like splashing cold water or using ice to break the spiral and come back to the present.

If you like thoughtful mindset shifts, emotional wellbeing tools, and real talk about perception, press play. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reset, and leave us a review with your favourite way to change your state of mind.

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Quote

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to Get Real with the English Sisters. Hello everyone. In this episode we're going to be talking about Yeah, we're going to be talking about the fact that we don't see things how they are. We see things how we are. How we are. That's interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. How we are. We see things. How we are. So there's a lot of things. So what is that mind that we're in? Obviously. Yes, it's it's definitely about the state of mind, isn't it? Is it about the state of mind or how we're feeling? I wonder. Well, how can you separate them? How can you possibly separate them? Surely it's the same thing. How you're feeling, where do feelings come from?

Dopamine Highs And Brighter Days

SPEAKER_00 0:55

From your state of mind. So if we're feeling super happy, say like you're in love with all that dopamine going through your body, what do things seem like? They seem light, don't they? Light light, lighter than light. No, no, I'm saying right at the beginning, when you feel reciprocate love, when you're just feeling when your love is returned, yes, and you're on that high, that dopamine's rushing through your body, you feel fantastic. Then all of a sudden you say, gosh, I didn't realize that everything looks different, doesn't it? You know, like you go to work, you see things differently. Like half the time you can't be bothered with seeing anything else. You just want to see your loved one. You're focused on your loved one, but uh have you never had that? Like when everything around you seems amazing. Yeah, yeah, and you almost even when you're walking, it feels like your steps have this kind of like bounce to them. Don't no don't come on. This is like I I remember feeling that way. Don't you remember it? I'm trying to.

unknown 2:12

It's a long time.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

It's a long time, but it's that feeling. Come on, it's really particular, of like, or like say when you get great news. That's it. You know, and I can identify with that more because it's closer. Yeah, it's closer, like say when we got the first book deal. Yes, and we were just like, oh my god. And when I say hippie, yeah, you're on a high, aren't you? Yeah, you're on a high. You you jump up and down, and then that high it kind of stays with you. But it makes everything seem easier, I remember. Afterwards, everything is easier. If we see things as easy, like if you've got to get anything done that you've normally procrastinating on, you just do it quickly because you want to be feeling that way. Because you are feeling that way, it's that dopamine in your body that's released by you getting something that you really wanted, or you got something done. I think it's the same thing, like when you eat something that you really want to eat, it doesn't last long though. So, like you say, Oh, I'm really craving an ice cream, and you eat that ice cream, then afterwards you've got this high, and everything around you can seem really fantastic for a while. It does seem fantastic, because it is fantastic, it is in that moment of time, yeah. But then again, but you said it seems fantastic, why? Because nothing's according to me, it's our reality is very transient. Transient. It's it moves around so fast and so quickly that how could we even define it, you know, reality? It's always moving, isn't it? Depending on how we are. Well, that's what Anthony Schwakin says, doesn't it? Oh, I I reality. Is that what he says? Yeah, so it's flexible, it's flexible, and and and it really is, depending on how we are feeling, how we are. That's why the famous quote from Anae Sanin, right? And and she says it, we don't see things how they are, we see things how we are. We see things how we are, yeah. So I mean it's said to be or not to be. It seems very obvious when you say it like that, doesn't it? But it's not really, no. It's not obvious at all. It's not, is it? I think that's why the quote's so famous. Well, it's also Because it makes you think, it makes you think, and it also comes from it makes you think about how it's so subjective. Our reality is so subjective to what we're doing at the time, how we're feeling, the state of mind we're in. So I mean that's quite good in a way, because if if you're aware of that, it means that you can you can change your state of mind. That's not easy, easier said than done, though, isn't it? Easier said than that. So, like if you well, yeah, it's easier said than actually done, isn't it? Like just change your state. If you're feeling blue. No, but if you know about it, well, if you're feeling blue and you know that if you change your state of mind, I mean if you just listen to a happy song, you could it could immediately a song that's got good memories for you. That could easily change your body. That's a good trick, yeah. That is true. You could trick your brain into thinking that you're you're feeling good, yeah. And then do you think and then of sub sub subsync what's wrong with us today? That words today. Must be some I don't know. You're thinking of it, yeah. It's subsequentially. Exactly. So I'm sure you know, if you're listening, you'll know what the word is like in turn. In turn, well done. In turn, everything else will turn around easier for you. For you. So if you change your state of mind, then your reality will also change. It will change. So you will subsequently see things differently. You're thinking that's not the word why you Googling. No, no, I'm not no, I'm not bothered about Googling the word. I'm I'm thinking about this whole thing. I'm thinking about this whole concept, it's very interesting. It's interesting to know that we can change the way we feel and then we can change the way we are and change how we the reality around us, a change of reality.

Attention Shapes Reality And Fear

SPEAKER_00 6:29

So also by we know that by focusing, what you focus on becomes your reality as well. So if you're focusing on, I don't know, negative things that are going around in the world, that's going to become your reality, and then you subsequently you're going to see things in that way. And your mind is going to focus on them. Yeah. Yeah. If you focus on So, like if you're somebody who watches the news all the time, for example. First thing in the morning, listen to the news, listen to it in the car, whatever, wherever you're going. And then obviously the news focuses on on the negative, on the bad. On the bad. On the bad, yeah, the evil out there. We can actually say that, yeah. All the twisted, rotten things that are going on. So, what is that going to do to your mind? Well, it's going to become like a rotten egg, isn't it? Yeah, you're going to be focusing on you're going to live in fear in that. You're going to be rotting. You're going to be rotting, yeah. You'll be living in fear. And but that's not good because then in the end, if you're rotting, if you're doing, if you're feeling all this negativity and you're rotting, in the end, uh, we know the energy, how you're feeling, is going to be transmitted. If you're smiling, the person next to you is going to smile. Yes, it's the same thing. Not that you have to be, yeah, not that you have to be smiley all the time and you can't acknowledge your um your feelings if you are feeling sad and acknowledge it. But then if you can use a little hack to get out of that, it's going to make your life a lot easier. And in turn, it will make those around you happier and easier. It'll be easier for them. It'll be lighter as well. Yeah, because I think life can be light, it can be light, but it can also be blinking. Heavy horrible and heavy and dark and dark. And it's what you choose to focus on, really, that can make the difference, that can help you. So what we're saying feeling a bit low or you're feeling down, which so many of us are now. Yeah, it's easy to feel that way as well. Very easy. But it's easy to think, no, this is not reality. This is how one feeling. The lens you're looking through once again. Yeah, it's it's all about that lens, it's that filter, isn't it? It's a filter, it's like a camera. What are you looking at? What filter are you using to see the world? To see the world, and and that's and I think everything has two sides. It's like the yin and yang. If you look at the horror stories, there's always a beautiful side to it. Someone that went to help, someone that didn't. Somebody that helps. You know, it's there's always two sides to everything, but it's easier to get like our brains are like a program to always um focus more on the negative than on the positive, anyway. Anyways, because it's like to protect us from the ancient times. We've got that protective mechanism in us. We certainly do. Where fear keeps us could keep us alive today. Do we really need to always live in fear? We have to live in all this fear that's always uh is thrown upon us. I would say it's not good to live in fear, but it's not good to live too much on that looking for that dopamine high either, you know, because that's a steady medium, a steady medium, definitely, because that's also can get you from the high will come low. Yes, that's exactly what the uh the the you know that's what happens that people that win an Oscar say then afterwards they go on, or like when you first fall in love, it doesn't that that high normally lasts for one to two years. I mean, this has been scientifically proven, I don't know by who, but but even less sometimes. Yeah, I mean a few months. I think the real you know, maybe six months total mad high, yeah. So sometimes it can last for up to two years, you can be in that state of bliss, but then all of a sudden it it can stop, and then you start seeing that person for the human they really are, and you think, well, maybe not the human they really are, but the human that you're filtering to see them through. Well when with the dopamine crush, yes, exactly. What the how you're seeing the this boat thing we're talking about we can't remember, is it? What is it? You see, sometimes these things are mind. It's confusing because it's a bit mind-boggling. I've had to look at it again. Let me read it this time. Yeah, there it is. We don't see things how they are, we see things how

Love Filters And Relationship Judgement

SPEAKER_00 10:55

we are. So is things include people, yes. How we're how we're feeling after two years, we start seeing our partners how we are feeling well done. Yes, it could they could be the same, the same thing maybe changed, but how we're feeling, maybe how we're feeling about ourselves as well. If we're feeling low about ourselves, we could maybe start seeing our partners in that low. Oh, absolutely. The typical example is like put on weight and we're feeling frumpy or whatever. Oh, absolutely, we could start seeing our partners in a different light. Absolutely, yeah. If we're feeling great because we've just done our workout and we're feeling a hundred percent, you know, and feeling great and things are going great for us, then yes, everything else can look wonderful to us and shiny, and shiny. Sometimes it's not like that though. When you feel great and then you look at the others, you think they feel they're nicer, they're better. I don't know. Sometimes you want that you want to change them as well, but that's not good either, really. No, because if you're seeing that they don't, they don't they don't not they're not matching your expectations, maybe. Oh well. Yeah, I kind of come from well, it came from like sometimes I was thinking sometimes when I'm feeling really, really good, and and I kind of want to change everything around me as well. I mean, I've had that feeling as well. Like, not only like, for example, in the house, I want to change everything in the house, do like and maybe no one else wants to spring clean. Yeah, not just that, because I'm happy doing it by myself, but like say if I want to get fit, yeah, and then like my hubby, he's not into getting fit at the moment, and I kind of look at him and think, ah, that tummy though, you know, you could be getting fit the same way I'm getting fit. Do you know what I mean? And I might go into this place of judgment, which isn't nice, and I know it's not nice. No, no, it's not nice to judge. So kind of sometimes it can it could it's like that that's like that that phrase, I can't remember who said it now. Don't go into other people's business, exactly. Yeah, not your business, it's their business, yeah. So I mean I mind your own mind your own business and just stay do what you want and leave the other. That frizz frizz that you're giving other people because you're happy and that will help other people feel like that too. Yes, it does. If you don't if you're not in a non-judgmental position, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Sometimes I can detach myself. They'll take their own initiative afterwards. Yeah, yeah. Or when the time is for them, because they might be feeling in a different way. I mean, there's no. Yeah, when I decided to start drinking all that water, you know, not that much. It's like one and a half beer, no way. The water, but I thought, yeah, I kept on trying to give him water. Drink water for good days, it's really healthy for you. Well, my husband's like a camel, he never drinks to drink any water. We love water here.

unknown 14:09

I know.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

I'm already feeling thirsty online now that you've said it. I mean, it's so fresh. It is, it's lovely. I mean, but yeah, that's the whole thing is that we do see things how we are, so that this kind of makes sense in the argument. I was trying to say is that if we're feeling all this fizzy and vibrancy, we kind of want to make it rub on to or rub off onto others. I think it's okay to a certain extent. But not too much, not too much, because it's like when somebody's just for first fallen in love back to that again, and the others think, God, I can't stand that person now. Yeah, it's heavy going. So it's it's heavy going because they're like, oh my god, have you seen how yeah, they're always talking about, have you seen how wonderful he or she is? And oh my god, yeah, I'm going out with that. In the end, the other people that are just living a different reality think God they might think it's not, you know. Or they might think he or she is nothing special, you know. They are never they aren't that special, you know. Exactly. No, they they're not in that moment, in that particular place, in that particular frame of mind. Obviously, they're not there. So they're not there yet, I would add. Because I think it does rub on. I think the people you hang around with influence your. It's like when you s first decide like one person in the crowd says, I want to get married, yeah, and then everyone else, oh look at me and you. I mean, I got married in March, you got married in July. Yes. I mean, I know we're like twins, but it's very infectious, only if it was because it was the right time. And we both had we've both been living with our partners for a long time. Ages. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't as if it was just spontaneous out of the blue. No, no, but it kind of rubs off, doesn't it? It makes it easier, doesn't it? Do you mean it makes it easier? Well, everything's like you had the you found the people that you know the all the things afterwards, it was just easy to copy. Uh yeah, that was easy, yeah. You're right. It was easy to just made it convenient. But I mean, I don't think we can talk about us because we're like twins. I think that would have been a lot of different things. No, no, but it happens in groups of friends as well, though. It's very, very common. It's infectious, but I think suppose you're more or less people are sometimes they're more or less the same age group. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, obviously it does influence people, what other people are doing.

Social Media Pressure And Not Enough

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Well, yes. I mean, I think that's the problem also with some of the social media, the influences on there, because what they're posting is like uh unrealistic. I remember like um like my daughter was saying that they have all these like mm birthday parties on that so uh uh amazing for like for themselves and for their children. That uh I I mean if you're just normal, like us, you would just think, gosh, how am I going to organise? And a little candle.

unknown 17:08

That's all we do.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

But then maybe like what she said, it puts a lot of pressure on people to to want to have that same thing and have those same photos with the massive cakes. And I was saying, yeah, but sometimes these influencers that what they're portraying is the cake might even be fake for all you know. It could be just one of these three-a-tier cardboard cakes, or maybe someone's made it for them, I know, or it could just be a cake and a few little cakes that makes it look and a few balloons that makes it look like if it's a massive uh party or a massive thing that costs thousands, but in reality it isn't. But it I think that does put a lot of pressure. It's it's not only so that's going to influence how we're being as well. And following influences and things like that. What was it quite getting? Because I think that's also interesting how much pressure there is on people to so it's we don't see things how they are, we see things how we are. So maybe if we are feeling insecure and we're not we're not feeling as if we're we're rich enough or we've got enough, yeah. We we we see when we see the pictures of the influencers, we think our lives aren't enough. Well, yeah, I mean that's famous, isn't it? A lot of a lot of us just don't feel enough. We feel as if we're not enough anyway. You know, not it not good enough, not not not clever enough, not thin enough. It's all about it not being enough, isn't it? And and it's such a drag because we are enough. But it's curious to say here it says it's also if we we don't see things how they are, we see things how we are, but in dream analysis, if we haven't seen, we can only dream about things that we've seen that we've encountered or thought about.

The Map Is Not The Territory

SPEAKER_00 19:14

So the dreams do not consist of the of the reality, the real reality, they consist of our reality. Well, yeah, that sounds obvious to me. It goes back to NLP, the map is not the territory, doesn't it? I think. Yeah, I never used to understand that. Well, the map that you see, the 2D map, is not actually the reality. The real territory. So if you were walking on that, there's big holes and it dips. It's just a map. It's just a map, but then there's more to it. The territory is the map. The territory could be bumpy, lumpy. Oh, right, it could have its ups and downs. We don't know, it's not just what you see. The map is not the territory. That's weird. Yeah, and no, no, I mean it's it's weird, but it may kind of make sense, I guess. Yeah. The map is not the territory. So say if the map was is to to all your life goals are like to grow up, then have kids, to get married, have kids, have get a good career, get a good job, be successful. That's the map, but then the territory would be maybe that you fail some exams, yeah, and your life goes a different way, then it, you know, there's deviations, and maybe you can't get pregnant or whatever. That's the territory. The actual territory is different to the map. So the map is like a goal setting. In this case, I've case it. But what it means is it always differs. So it's it's it's it comes for me. I think it's a bit like how we see things, they're different to how they can be in different in different different lights, really. Yeah, a different light shines a different thing. But do you actually think it's true? Like if it's a beautiful sunny day and you're not feeling feeling down or first of all, you won't even see the sun. You probably won't even notice it's sunny. Really? Do you think you cannot notice it's sunny? What if it's coming in through the window? No, but you just ignore it. You ignore it. You can't even see it. You can't see anything. Just dark. I think that's why they call it the black dog and these aren't that. What that isn't that like clinical depression. I mean like just feeling down. I'm not going into the deep. Just not feeling good, like you've had a breakup or even if you have you're not focusing on the sunshine. You're not thinking about that's being mindful, thinking about the sunshine coming in and other things around you. Right. So you're saying the trick to to actually be in the real reality is to be mindful. That's what was happening. So we've come down to this conclusion. And and how do you be mindful? Well, by focusing on what the immediate things around you. So like by being in the now. Yeah. Have I had a nice break? Because yes, I'm enjoying this food, I'm putting in my mouth, I'm enjoying the water. So that's on my we can we can conclude that that is the reality. What you are doing right now. Is the reality even though it's through a filtered lens. If you're being mindful only, because if your mind is somewhere else thinking about other things, it's not a reality. So how to be mindful. In your body. Feel what your body feels. Yes, feeling in the moment. So if you're sitting on a pain, though. You're gonna feel the pain. You'll feel the pain, but you'll still be in the in the in your body. In your body, yeah. In your body and in your brain. Your brain will be here in the now. So like now we're doing this podcast where we're gonna be able to do that. Yes, we're here, we're sitting on the chair. Thinking about what we're gonna have for dinner later. Well, now that you said it, I am. But I wasn't a minute ago, I was fully absurd. That as hypnotherapists, we know that we have to be in the now with our clients. Yes. So we're fully absorbed. So the energy is in there in the now. Obviously, always thinking about how we're gonna help them. So maybe not so much in the now, but no, no, absolutely. But more you're in the now with the energy, with the energy of what you're getting, the feedback you're getting off of your client, you're it's coming into you, and then you're bouncing back off that, aren't you? Yeah, it's weird this thing about the energy, isn't it? But that is really there, there is a kind of a vibration that we give off. I think that's that's what makes a difference between one therapist and another, really. If they're in the if they're actually in there now with their oh god, I think it's so obvious when you know, even if you're not a therapist, you know, if you're just you're just talking to their word friend, and they're looking into your eyes, and you know they're truly listening to you. The power that that can have, that's the that's a healing power, isn't it? That that that that's deep. Whereas, like what you said, yeah, you're chatting to a friend and they're looking at their watch, looking at their phone. Ah, answering an email, yeah, yeah, I know what you are, feel you, man. But do you really feel me? No, I think the only way to really feel someone is to really be there and take the phone away and listen. And you know, that that is a form of reality that I think is about the closest we can ever get to reality because what is reality for me is not reality for you, because the way we perceive things is always gonna be different, but the closest thing are experiences and just the way we see things. Each person is always gonna see things in a different way. But that's what I think a lot of people don't know that people see things differently. They don't? I don't think I wasn't aware of it before I did all this studying. No, I guess I wasn't either. No, just doing your own thing. The first time I was aware of it is like when we came back from that holiday, which we've said in another podcast. Yeah, when my experience was so different from my husband's experience. Mine was all wonderful, wonderful, and lovely and romantic island, and his was hell, with birds coming at him and trying to attack us, and God knows what. So, yes, I think. So, the answer is as far as we've concluded, is to be mindful. That's the that's the whole conclusion.

Mindfulness Hacks To Change State

SPEAKER_00 25:10

I think so. Yeah, that can help us get us out of a little rush and and just be mindful, maybe be mindful of our own state of mind as well. So just you know, change it. You can change if you're aware of it. That's already a massive step towards changing it. Because if you wake up and you say, Oh, I feel like you know, I don't want to I'm not gonna say it. You say that she doesn't want to say the bad words, bad word in inverted commas because it's supposed to be podcasts. She raised to me to spit them out. No, but I mean it's true. So if you feel that way and you're aware of it, but a lot of people say it, and then but then they do nothing about it. They do nothing, they do nothing, and they just say, I feel that way, and that's it. That's the rest of the day is going a yucky way for me. So, what do you do in that case? Well, do you think being mindful can help? You obviously, if you've listened to this podcast, you're obviously going to be aware of it, or of the people that talk about these kinds of things, you're gonna be aware that you can change your state, and that's very powerful. Yes. I mean, you were saying the other day, you were researching that about this ice can change your state. Oh, yeah. The ice, yeah. Putting ice on your face is a new trend, apparently. Ice cubes. Well, on TikTok, yeah, they're doing this thing to how change how you're feeling now, and just by even just putting an ice cube in your mouth and having that really cold, God, that'd probably kill me now because I've got sensitive to it. It makes you mindful of your it brings you back into your body again. Or putting ice cubes on your wrists, yeah. It's like, oh, the little tiny shock. It's it's down to the Wim Hof Wim Hoff method, like yeah, when you have these uh freezing cold showers and it's gonna break your stay. So I guess you're right, yeah. If you're feeling rotten in the morning, wash your face with really, really cold water. That might actually help. Because you're gonna be mindful, you're gonna you're gonna feel the water cold water, yeah, splashed on your face. You're gonna feel that yeah, and then get out of it. It might it might get you out and you'll be aware. Yeah. Well, what do you think? Have you tried any of these ice cubes? Do you think that breaking state is uh is possible? It's possible. Do you think changing your state of mind? Uh we think it is. Definitely. We do it all the time. We do all the time. So I would say to change it, yeah. Yeah, put a different song on the radio, listen to your favourite song, do something nice, feel the warm sunshine, feel feel, feel, yeah. Be in your body makes you smile or laugh. Suddenly become aware of where you're sitting, what it feels like, the chair beneath you, what your hands touching one another feels like, and then that that'll bring you into your body, into the present moment. And that can be helpful because just taking a deep breath. Yeah, definitely. Absolutely. Well, I think that's it for today.

Follow Us And Final Smiles

SPEAKER_00 28:15

That's it. I think we've concluded you. Uh please follow us and uh download this podcast. And if you'd like, you can also watch it on YouTube and follow us on social media on Instagram, Facebook, wherever you follow us. And smiles from the English sisters.